I remember having headaches as early as eight or ten years old and an apple was usually enough to take care of it. My first real migraine hit in my mid twenties, and I discovered the magic of Excedrine.

In the last decade, my doctor and I have narrowed down the right combination of blood pressure med and vitamins to keep the migraines to a minimum with Excedrine as the back up for those break through headaches.

But there have been a couple of times when the regimen wasn’t enough. When a headache won’t go away, my doctor prescribes something big to knock it out and get me back on track. Once I had to go to the ER.

Make that twice.

My head started hurting on Thursday. By 3:00 this morning, I couldn’t take it anymore. Chris always slept through our infants wailing in the night, but it seems my sobbing is all it takes. Like the superstar he is, he jumped out of bed, dressed in a flash, and raced me to the hospital. He’s a keeper.

When you go to the ER with a five-day headache, they give you a cocktail of meds to knock it out. I know they gave me some nausea med that actually makes the headache stop and a steroid to keep it from coming back. But they also gave me Benadryl. Apparently, 10% people react to the nausea med with tremors, so the Benadryl is meant to help you relax and sleep.

Guess who’s in the 10%. And guess who’s a lightweight on Benadryl. Let’s just say, this headache cocktail was the most grotesquely uncomfortable over-medication I have ever experienced. I hope never to repeat it. To be clear, I am thankful for the doctor who was working at 3 AM instead of sleeping and the scientists who studied and worked to develop these meds. But I don’t want to take them anymore.

As uncomfortable as the experience was, what bothers me most is how this day has gone since I got home. Chris dragged me in the door around 6:00 (I think). The kids were up and getting ready for school, but I went immediately to sleep. I didn’t pray over them or kiss them goodbye. I slept all day and didn’t get a bit of work done. I didn’t talk with my children after school. My mom had to help me make dinner and I was almost too tired to eat it.

I hate this feeling of being so useless. I’m praying God will show me the purpose in all this because right now I really can’t see it.