My skin hurts. From my breastbone to my pelvis, from the left side of my stomach, all the way around my right side, and across my back, my skin is hypersensitive to even the smallest touch or movement. I have a narrow strip down my left side that does not hurt, but for a few hours on Tuesday, the pain went down my right leg and my hip and knee joints ached. Half of yesterday, the pain went across my chest and shoulder blade on the right side.
I’ve been this way for eight days now. Yesterday I had had enough.
My doctor quickly determined I do not have shingles. Apparently, shingles is sided. Last year’s episode was in my left sciatic nerve and stretched from my waist all the way down the back of my left leg. If I were going to have shingles again, it would be on my left side.
But my doctor agreed I definitely have some kind of neuropathy going on. That just means my nerves are freaking out, but who knows what’s causing it. The doctor gave me a steroid, just in case I actually do have some sort of virus or infection, and gabapentin to calm my nerves.
But I know the truth. My weird brain could very well be shooting crazy impulses through my nerves. Through my tears, I said to my husband, “I’m defective.”
With a smile and a hug, he replied, “You’re not defective. You’re just slightly askew.” I’m so thankful God gave me a life partner who can help me tweak my perspective when needed.
I’m also thankful God is in charge. The further I travel down this path, the more I see God’s choreography in my life. He’s had a plan all along.
Nine years ago, he led me to start writing. Three years ago, He gave me a passion for editing that made me want to do it professionally. Last year, He made it very clear that I needed to quit my regular day job. (I was so ataxic I could barely move most days, so I only made it to work about half the time.)
Since taking that giant leap of faith, God has blessed me abundantly with two steady clients who send me regular work. My desk is now five feet from my bed, so I can take breaks (AKA naps) when I need to.
As I walk this new path of seizure, neuropathy, trouble finding words, and who knows what else my brain will do, I have to trust that God still has a plan. He is still orchestrating my life. I don’t know why He’s taking me down this path or what we will find, but I know we’ll deal with it together.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)